Review: Avengers Endgame (2019) - 9/10

The world has become meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on? If we can go on, why we should go on? We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to face our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle. As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, the grief you were denying begin to surface.

At first, grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at the cause of your pain and suddenly you have a structure. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto, and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing. The more you truly embrace these feelings, perhaps though avenging your departed, the more anger will begin to dissipate and the more you start to properly feel the pain of loss. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned. But some will hold onto anger as it is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss.

After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?” We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what it was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time and stop the accident from happening…if only we felt with the problem sooner, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss, like drink. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt.

Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? And we begin to accept the reality that our loved ones are physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality and we learn to accept it. 

Or.....

We don’t accept it and regress from our depression and continue to bargain to avoid the pain. 

What if.... What if....

To get our loved one restored we need to stop the accident from happening. We unravel the maze of our past to know exactly where we went wrong and what exactly we should have done. 

If only, if only. 

Then grief regresses back to anger. The anger structures you and becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto, and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing. The fear of feeling meaninglessness again pushes you harder. Your dive to correct the mistakes of the past and restore your love has brought you face to face with the origin of your pain.  As you truly embrace your feelings, the anger will begin to dissipate and then you start to properly feel the drive that your existence is worthwhile and that you are not alone. With the proper hindsight as your ally, knowing what is at stake if you fail, you face your deepest fear and drive forward your resolve. Together with those who have supported you on this journey, you avenge yourself and undo the damage done. 

Finally, the world has become meaningful again and encouraged to make sense of this new life. You reflect on what you have gained and lost and what could have been. You find peace and compassion and drive to move on each day with gratitude knowing that you have done all you can and the world is better for it. As you accept the reality of all that has come and gone on your journey you start to ask yourself questions of what next adventure you will face and it fills you with hope. 

The Avengers Initiative was brought together to defend the Earth from global threats that were beyond the capability of conventional forces. When they failed, the initiative failed. Avengers Endgame is more than just the culmination of 11 years and 22 films. It is a story of overcoming loss, finding hope and coming to the revelation that they needed to take the matter into their own hands and avenge themselves. #Capwasright